I haven't written a true blog in God knows how long. And by true blog, I mean something other than my slightly creative proses. But.. I have had a lot going on in my life recently that I feel the need to resort back to writing it out to sort through it all. So here's to shaking off the rusty blogging skills.

I guess I'll start with my summer. It was rough. I've had many many stresses in life so far, some down times, some anxious times, etc... but this summer had to have been one of the hardest I've been through. Not having a job set me way back. Constantly feeling restless does not do well for my mind. And constantly knowing that my financial hole is only getting deeper... well, that doesn't help. I wouldn't say I'm in the clear yet, but I have more of a safety net now than I did then. Plus, I'm working now... so although the turn around is slow, it's happening. Summer hasn't been easy for me since some time in high school, anyway. But we just have to take our misfortunes and only allow them to make us stronger. No matter how much I know that, it's never an easy task. But it gets a little better every time.

Summer was surreal in some ways, as well. Took a chance with a couple people of my recent past. It almost turned out well. I guess I'll leave it at that.

I did have an accident once... a bad one. I'm not too thrilled about it, but all I can do is work harder against the next time. It's always building and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever not feel that pressure. There are times when the longer the space in between the accidents are, the more pressure I feel. Other times, it's easier. I guess it depends on my mind. That's the tricky part.

I'm enjoying my classes, though it's a lot of work this semester. I've been trying to come up with a concept for my fiction workshop. I'm slowly piecing some ideas together... just need to start writing it out. I'm always anxious but excited when I take these workshops. My other classes are interesting, and I love them. So that makes the workload bearable, at least.

I got my first big tattoo. I felt I deserved a little treat. It's actually only partly finished because I want to add a quote to it later. One, I don't have the money for the quote yet and two, I want to think more on that part of it. But anyways, for the part I did get... a writing quill and an inkpot. I'm in love with it. Ozzy did an amazing job with the shading and detail. Tattoos are almost like an alternative to "accidents" for me. And because of my recent slip, it meant that much more to me. I had been wanting something to incorporate my absolute love and fascination with literature, writing, and language for a while.. and finally, it clicked. I got it on my right side/back. It hurt like hell. Most painful tattoo I've gotten.. obviously because it went over my ribcage. But it's worth it. It's beautiful. I can't wait to have the quill writing out the quote... I've been leaning towards something John Cheever wrote in one of his short stories: "Fiction is art and art is the triumph over chaos." Summarizes many things for me. But we'll see.

Justin proposed to me this weekend. So I am officially engaged.. and I couldn't be more happy. We have been through so much, and I don't think there is anyone more perfect for me. We accept each other for who we are rather than who we want each other to be. Through our experiences, we have only come closer together which, to me, feels like an amazing feat. Others aren't so lucky. At times, we obviously weren't sure if we'd make it, but we dealt with the issues.. and only reaffirmed how we wanted to make what we have work and last. We fell in love with each other all over again, and I didn't really think that could happen until it did... He was sneaky and got my parents' permission before asking me, making it that much more wonderful... even my dad haha. I called them with the news yesterday, and they both are really happy. So that makes me happy. We've decided to wait to start planning until I'm pretty much done with my senior year so that I can properly deal with both.

I'm still dealing with back/leg pain. I don't know when that will get better or how. I don't really have the funds for something like surgery or more doctor appointments at the moment. I have my good days and my bad days. Last week, I didn't make it to my last class of the day because I simply couldn't sit anymore (I had already been to three classes)... walking was even hard. So Justin came and picked me up.. I even left my car on campus. Hopefully I won't have too many days like that, but I know that's wishful thinking.